Another Chapter another journey

Been a while since I've posted.  I've talked about the challenges of surgery recovery, associated pain and struggle.  Through that time, I've come face to face with emotional  physical  and self awareness.  Recently I found myself getting lost in these feelings.

I started spiraling and couldn't understand these new emotions and feelings.  I can say I didn't like it and was at a loss on how to deal with this foreign place in my life.  One morning I felt I had to find help.  I was blessed to find and work with an amazing and compassionate councilor.  It took about 4 months of sessions. Yesterday, we both agreed that I had made good progress, and we are taking a break.  My councilor told me that if at any time I needed to talk, I was assured I could make that connection.

So, what did I learn?  I had to come to grips with the fact that my future is different than pre surgery.  That meant letting go of everything I had been involved with.  Church, community service, travel and so many things that I identified with.  I guess I had lost my identity.  Even though friends would tell me that I had to find the "new me" (I really dis like that adage).  First I had to let go of my old self.  Not easy for me to consider much less do.  Next, I had to realize that my physical abilities have changed.  I also had to adapt to limitations as a function of surgeries and inactivity, 

With my counselor, I have started a new journey and chapter in my life.  I realize I need to make use of what I CAN DO, and not what I cannot do.  I also know that the past difficulties can still come back to haunt me, I have new tools to deal with that when they happen.

I want to thank my counselor, and God for helping me through this struggle. I always had God helping me, but I found out that He puts people in place to help with his work.  Both me and my counselor agreed that it was Devine intervention that we got together.  (Maybe another post on why I say this). Needless to say I have been greatly helped through this.  Without getting preachy, I can say on my part, I am glad I sought help, even though in the past I discredited seeking counselling as a  sign of weakness.

Making changes in my attitude about myself is both exciting and scary and challenging. 

I feel good right now, and look forward to the future instead of dwelling on what was.  Thank you all that have journeyed with me the last couple of years.  Too many to mention, but hear felt thanks.

 HAPPY  NEW YEAR!!

The new year right after the winter solstice is an opportnity to look forward, not backward.  I find myself not lingering in the past.   Much of my past has been gifted to me with great blessings.  On the other hand, I have experienced many challenges.  Like most people I have experienced some things that I regret.  The blessings I hope outweigh the challenges and failures.  

Looking forward, I pray that whatever I do this year will be for the good of those I encounter or who seek help.  I also have to do what I can within my potential.  That has waned somewhat (physically), but hopefully, I can help with the open hands that Jesus has given to me to do his work.  I also pray for patience (see previoius blog entries re: patience).

One of the most recent blessings I am grateful to carry into the new year is having two more grandsons and a new daughter in law 💟.  I am happy for our son David and his new family.  What a blessing for him and for us.

I pray that all that read this will realize blessings that come to you this NEW YEAR.

 Reaching the finish line (I hope)

KRAZEE!!!

(if you wish to comment, send to ortiz.tom103@gmail.com

Cataracts, colonoscopy, hernia repair😕.  Hopefully end of list. I have a tatoo that says,"what a ride".  The ride has been beyond what I ever expected.  While I am hopefully looking at the finish line, I try to focus beyond that.  I realize I have limitations pre 2020, I want to focus on what I CAN do. One thing I know, is that our lives( mine and Pam's) must be my priority.  I am so grateful for what we have, and I am thankeful that we have come as far as we have.  We have so many awesome friends and family.  I realize there are those that don't have these blessings.  No matter what I have been through, therre are multitudes that don't enjoy what we have.  Having worked with the homeless, I have seen first hand many that strruggle day to day just to survive, not to mention those that suffer from severe injuries and illnesses.

I have joked in the past about the saying "God only gives you what you can handle"  Sometimes I wanted to say, "ok God, you can stop now!!"  Seriously though, If I've handled thus far, I trust that I can continue to take the curve balls that our Lord tosses at me. 

For all who read this, I appreciate all of you.  Thank you and blessing for a wonderful Christmas and New Year.  

With much love, Tom

 

(should you wish to comment, sent to ortiz.tom103@gmail.com)

Friends,,

This edition is borrowed from the Henri Nouwen Society.  It was sent to me by my friend and mentor Bernadette Bach.  I had been lamenting to her on how I was struggling with not being productive during my recovery period, and how I had enjoyed the past activities pre-surgery. Shortly afterwards, she sent me this meditation below. By the way, today (Jan.6. two years ago) I had my first surgery. I have since returned to a lesser schedule of activity, and I am grateful that I have succeeded in recovery..

(NOTE: the text below are words of the author, not mine.)

Pruning

Jesus said, “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine-dresser. Every branch in me that bears no fruit he cuts away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, to make it bear even more” (John 15:1–2). These words open a new perspective on suffering for me. Pruning helps trees to bear more fruit. Even when I bear fruit, even when I do things for God’s kingdom, even when people express gratitude for coming to know Jesus through me, I need a lot more pruning. Many unnecessary branches and twigs prevent the vine from bearing all the fruit it can. They have to be clipped off. This is a painful process, all the more so because I do not know that they are unnecessary. They often seem beautiful, charming, and very alive. But they need to be cut away so that more fruit can grow. It helps me to think about painful rejections, moments of loneliness, feelings of inner darkness and despair, and lack of support and human affection as God’s pruning. I am aware that I might have settled too soon for the few fruits that I can recognize in my life. I might say, “Well, I am doing some good here and there, and I should be grateful for and content with the little good I do.” But that might be false modesty and even a form of spiritual laziness. God calls me to more. God wants to prune me. A pruned vine does not look beautiful, but during harvest time it produces much fruit. The great challenge is to continue to recognize God’s pruning hand in my life. Then I can avoid resentment and depression and become even more grateful that I am called upon to bear even more fruit than I thought I could. Suffering then becomes a way of purification and allows me to rejoice in its fruits with deep gratitude and without pride.

Hey Bus Driver, why did you take me here?

(readers please note: this blog is not very good at forwarding replies.  If you wish to reply, please direct them to ortiz.tom103@gmail.com)

I never expected where the Driver took me in the last two years.  I can tell you that physically, I was diagnosed with prostate cancer in June 2019.  After the diagnosis, everything changed in my life.  Multiple surgeries, complications, dozens of trips to Albuquerque. Countless days of physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional journeying.

While each surgery seemed to be the end of the story, sometimes weeks, sometimes days after each procedure, things would go south.  Another several weeks, sometimes months before "fix it" procedures were scheduled and planned.  A test of patience, endurance, trust, pain, anxiety.  Almost every emotion and challenge came my way.  

I am happy to say, all seems to be working and I don't anticipate any further treatment.

That being said, there are still challenges ahead.  I lost quite a bit of weight, so diet and exercise begin my new journey.  After effects of the surgeries have left me with other challenges.  Along the way, the Driver challenged me to accept each new phase, and grow stronger in faith.  Also contemplating the value of life, love, and acceptance.  Today, my goal is to cherish what I have, and learn from I could have easily called the last two years a waste of time, an unnecessary struggle. By the grace of God, I chose to seek a different path.  Some of the gifts of the Holy Spirit were necessary for me to endure.

1. Understanding.  Not that I fully understand why this happened, but I know I have grown through this experience.

2. Council.  I heard from, and reached out to so many people during this time, and genuine concern, council carried me through each struggle.

3.  Fortitude.  This experience has helped me endure, and have strengthened my resolve to face all challenges with total faith.

4. Knowledge.  I researched ad nauseum to learn about my condition.  In addition, I searched for the knowledge (see 1, 2,and 3) above.

5. Piety.  Boy did my prayer life change and increase.  I realize now that prayer need not be reserved only for the times of need, but has been part of my life in gratitude for having endured this journey, and helped me focus on what is important.

I had an army of people praying for me. The need  of  the hands of the professional medial personnel are essential, but in my experience, so is prayer   I feel blessed that the support team, starting with my amazing wife Pam.  Along with that, the doctors, hospital, staff, and everyone that worked with me (and on me and in me 😌 in spite of my struggles, they made my journey many times easier.  

Thank you God (the Bus Driver) for sheltering me on the bus and as I await the nest stop I will accept whatever you ask of me.  My life has changed, and in several ways, so have I.  Mostly, I understand better than ever, how precious life, family, and friends are.  Most importantly, I am grateful for my stronger relationship to God.   

 The day that Coco died:

I NEVER pick up stray animals.  One afternoon on my way back from the golf course, I saw this precious little girl on the side of the two lane highway.  She was scared, and it had just finished raining. I knew that she would not last long on that road.  I pulled over and put her in my passenger seat.  She had no idea who I was and I did not yet know who she was.  I brought her home.  That was almost 10 years ago.   She loved people, but we never had puppy dates so she did not interact well with other dogs.  We had, and still have Snickers, our smaller male mutt.  The quickly became buddies, and were inseparable.  

A few weeks ago, we noticed that Coco was loosing weight.  We started treating her for worms,  She showed no signs of distress, but was consuming lots of water.  Long story short, she jumped into the back seat of our son David's car, and went for a ride.  When David got home and checked on her in the back seat, she was lifeless.  She never gave us any heads up that she was needing more help than we were giving her.  I can only second guess if she could have gotten healthier if we had taken her to the vet.   She was loved, given a good home, and will be greatly missed.

I am now physically healing well after several surgeries,  and hope to become more active in a couple of months.  I was looking forward to taking her for walks, something I couldn't do because of my surgeries.  I am so sad!   I have some good pictures of her, and I have many memories of her being close to me.  I loved her.  

Darkness and Light

 I've struggled for quite a while what to write about.  So much has happend to everyone this year, it is difficult to understand, and as I say, 'we are all in this together yet separate'.

My life got turned upside down January 8 when I underwent surgery for prostate cancer.  Should have been a routine procedure, but boy did it go south quickly.  Rare and difficult complications put me in a lifestyle that has been a challenge to say the least.  With any luck, my life will return to normal before summer.

Adding to that, Pam's parents both passed away within six weeks of each other.  Dad went peacefully in his sleep.  Mom declined after Dad's passing, and we watched her linger.  They will be buried together on their wedding anniversary of 70 years.  Beautiful occasion as their marriage was strong and inspirational.

So now I come to Darkness and Light.  We just passed the Winter Solstice.  Ending the slow journey into the shortness of the day, and with that more darkness every day.  Then on December 21 it turned around, as it allways does with this event.  It has to be this way.  The earth is so perfectly balanced that all the natural phenomenon that happen throughout history are not optional, they are part of our existance and survival.  It is a beautiful thing.  Having said that, winter solstice is not always easy.  The long nights, the bitter cold (12 degrees tomorrow morning! Pray for our homeless).  And yet, we know that each day moving forward will get longer and give us more light of day, until summer solstice repeats the cycle.

As for me, I sometimes feel that the darkness can be unbearable in comfort and progress to get better.  Yet as I reflect on the winter solstice, I realize that what has happend in my life this year WILL turn around.  For every difficult challenge I have experienced, I have been blessed with an outpouring of support and love from so many people, and so has Pam with her loss.  Speaking of Pam, she has truly been my Guardian Angel.  Sometimes it takes getting knocked down before I can appreciate how much I really have.  I realize I cannot dwell on the past, and won't expect any more (or less) than what my dear Lord has waiting for me.  I have been blessed with many things, Faith, Love, Family, resources to live comfortaby and loving supporting friends.

I guess today's blog is my form of prayer in saying "Thank you God for all you have given me, and I pray that I have the strength to continue to appreciate these blessings."

PATIENCE !!!

Patience.  How long does it last?  How long does it take?  What is it?
Been working on it.  One of my weakest virtues.

Some have patience by nature, some by practice, some by suffocation.

With my recent situation, I have been "forced" into practicing patience, or giving up.  Turns out, giving up is not an option.  I'm okay with that.  I have longed to be able to practice patience for much of my life.  My father was the "poster boy" of patience.  I never really understood how he did it.  Some day, if I am lucky enough to meet him in heaven, I can ask him how he was able to find this place in life. 

Life has a way of drop kicking some of us into a place that makes us face challenges head on.  We have choices.  Move forward, retreat, wait.  Some  things limit our choices.

Because of my medical situation, I have been confronted with many choices, which have required choices.  How do I get through this?  Where do I go from here?  Why bother, whatever is going to happen will happen.  Do I care? Does it matter?

Ultimately, I realize I have one life to live, and I need to need to deal with what is happening, and what is the best path forward.  In my mind, this is my confronting patience.  Not easy, not fun, but necessary.

I have promised myself to move forward and trust the Driver to take me where He wants me to go.  I will follow him and trust in him, and be happy where He leads me. 

Sheesh

I got ready to sit down and write some profound ideas.  Earlier I went to the store (mask in place and gloves) to get a few things that we "needed".  Impulse buying.  I saw caramel vanilla ice cream.  Just now, I got ready to write, and thought, "I'm gonna have some of that".  I opened the carton and realized I picked up chocolate chip mint instead.  Oh well, I'll munch on it anyway.  So much for profound motivation  : >).

I've had a couple of songs going through my head recently.  We collectively have experienced some strange times.  The "Corona" virus has turned our world upside down.  Visit with your friends?, celebrate special occasions?, be part of the world?  Not so much.

The songs going through my head are, "Big yellow taxi - Joni Mitchell" and, "If your going through Hell - Rodney Akins".

Mitchell: Don't it always seem to go, you don't know what you've got till it's gone, you take paradise and put up a parking lot.

Atkins: If you're going through Hell, keep on going, don't slow down.  If you're scared, don't show it.  you'll get out before the devil even knows you're there.

I guess change is inevitable, ie Mitchell.  Personal struggles we eventually all face, some more difficult than others, ie Atkins.

So the question is, what do we do with our lives and these challenges?

Personally, I can roll with the punches (Mitchell) on the virus thing.  Only so much we can control.  By the grace of God I don't have to go to work (retired!!).  I stay in touch with everyone that I love, and keep my mask on when I go out.

I've had significant physical struggles this year (Atkins).  I've learned that perseverance, patience, and trust are essential to "going through Hell",

I'm learning that so much is not under my control, so I have to let my Yellow Bus Driver decide the route, show me the way, and accept what He has in mind for me, and help me through the "tough times.

Please be safe, listen to the birds in the morning, and stay the course.  Blessings.

Life goes on

It's not my normal to post one day after another, but here it goes.

When I went out to get my newspaper at 4:45 AM today, (yup, still an early riser) I saw the moon in it's glory.  As I look outside at 4:00 PM I see rain dripping off the roof.

So where does this put me, or us in the world of struggle.  Be it corona virus or major surgeries it doesn't matter.

I remember when I was a young man (ancient history :-) ) sitting on a bluff waiting for an unlucky deer to wander by and put himself into my gun sights.  I saw birds flying, and squirrels running around.  This was during the Viet Nam war.  I remembered how in spite of the mess we were in, God took care of what he created.  The birds still flew, and the squirrels still scampered.  I'll never forget that.

The reason I reflected on that time, is that I realize that no matter what I, or the world faces right now, look at the birds, listen to them sing, watch them build their nests, watch the squirrels scamper.  There is a book written by Mac Lucado titled you'll get through this.

I realize that my journey is mapped by the Driver, not by what I expected from my "trip".  He is in charge!

Bus wreck!

I'd done all the planning.  Research, consultations with doctors, listening to everyone with an opinion.  I chose UNM hospital 60 miles away, good doctor, good hospital.
When a person plans a trip, it instead can turn out to be a journey.  Best laid plans can change (sometimes in a big way).

A few months back I posted about learning about my prostate cancer.  I wasn't scared (although surprised).  I chose removal of the prostate as my path of cure.  I had confidence in my doctor, and Pam was at my side.  Going into the hospital, I knew that there would be discomfort, but I was sure recovery would be okay.

BUS WRECK!  The first week after surgery, I was progressing well, and felt that all was going to be okay.  8 days later I started a fever.  Called the doctor, and he said I needed to get to the emergency room.  We got there around 8:00 PM.  Within hours, my condition worsened.  My doctor was alerted, and ordered a CAT scan.  With the look in his eyes, I knew all was not good.  "We've got a problem" he said. A second surgery in less than 10 days.  Colostomy and second catheter.  A week in the hospital, and another surgery.

Things were not good.  Much pain and anxiety.  What started out to be a straight forward albeit major surgery, turned out to put me into a potential 2 years or more of healing and recovery.  I was knocked down hard, physically, emotionally, and somewhat spiritually.  That's when I had to dig in and listen to the Driver.  "This isn't  a wreck, its just a detour.  You have to trust me" He said.  It didn't feel like that, but I trusted Him and all the support of the people around me,
Pam stayed by my side the whole time.  She and her sisters got a hotel room.  My daughter Linda flew in unexpectedly from New York to spend a week at the hospital with us.  Love and support poured in.

It's been 10 weeks.  I'm feeling stronger.  I'm driving, and becoming a little more independent.  I'm learning to manage my new "buddies" colostomy and catheters.  Daily mass via television has been a Godsend (I get to share Mass with the Driver).
When faced with major challenges, I've learned to trust my Driver, and accept the path I'm on. 
I wish I could name all the people that have helped me either physically or spiritually or emotionally.  If you are reading this, please know who you are.  If you are one of my followers,  I ask for your prayers, not only for me, but for all who are suffering.  Also pray for the world.  It is struggling too.

I have mentioned before, if you wish to comment, please direct them to ortiz.tom103@gmail.com
This blog doesn't seem to get any comments to me.  Blessing to all.

49 years and counting

Happy Anniversary Honey,
Can't even begin to explain the best times of 49 years of marriage.  My honey has been with me above and beyond our vows.  I am so lucky that she has accepted me  for all my weakness and failures.
Getting stuck in a snowstorm on our honeymoon might have been an omen of success or failure.  In fact it was a sign if success.  At such an early age that we were, I had no fear, and Pam trusted me completely.  She still does today. 
We are so blessed to be where we are today.
For those who read this blog, thank you for following. To our children, we love you, and are proud of you. 
We are grateful for all the blessings that we have received.  To our friends and family, we cherish you all.  Not enough words to say thank you Lord, family, friends.  Amen

Didn't expect this Bus Stop

When I first envisioned God's Yellow Bus, I was at a cross road needing to decide whether I was going to follow my own free spirit, or rely and accept God's guidance and helping hand.

Wallah!  The Yellow Bus appeared, and I've trusted the journey.  I am grateful that I made that decision, and my life had been blessed because of that decision.

This most recent Bus Stop really took me by surprise, and made me evaluate so many things again.  Ultimately, I will trust the Driver, and go where I am led.

I have been diagnosed with prostate cancer.  Huh? Me? Why?
Turns out, that our bodies are as vulnerable to breakdown as our soul.  The good news is that the soul, to the best of my understanding and belief is that my soul can be cured forever, if I choose to accept the Driver.  The body, eventually, not so much.  The body is organic, and it will eventually cease to exist.

The last few weeks have been an emotional whirlpool.  What do I know? What do I do?  What can I expect?  So I'm on this new journey ready to prepare myself for the tools I am given to take care of the problem as best as is available.  I'm okay with that.  So far, I've been led to some good doctors.  I am assured (as best as they can assure) that my situation is early and very treatable.  I don't look forward to the various options for treatment, but hey, "gotta fix the problem".
I will go forward trusting in my earthly help, (the doctors), and the Driver. 

The Driver is in charge

Sometimes on my journey in life, I struggle with my Driver of the Yellow Bus.  I am the passenger, but want to think I am the navigator also.  WRONG!  It turns out that I turned over my journey to the Driver.
In the last few months, I have been picked up from past assignments, dropped off at other stops.  At those times, I struggle to understand why.  The assignments I have been given by the Driver have been fulfilling, and I believe important.  So why pull me away from them?  At the same time, the new destinations (as best as I can understand them) are important, and the Driver will give me the tools to accomplish the job.
Am I taking the easy way out and saying "don't blame me, the Driver made me do it 😲".  Or do I trust the Driver to know what my journey should look like, and take the assignment with trust and conviction?
I worry that some people may not understand why I am pulling away, but I have to trust that the Driver knows what is necessary.
A million thoughts go through my mind during this process, but I won't clutter this blog with them.  Suffice to say that what ever happens, my Driver is also the navigator and the CEO.

Jasper

How many times is it said 'Why do we wait until a funeral to see everyone?'
Well, we didn't wait.  Our granddaughter graduated from high school in June, and we went to NY to spend time with the family up there.  Proud grandparents, proud parents, proud graduate !!!  How awesome is that?
Jasper is a full size black Labrador retriever.  In his better days, he would wait just for the right moment to spring free and send everyone chasing him up and down the street.  Sometimes he would make a clean break, and disappear, only to be caught by animal control, and be kept until he was bailed out.  Fireworks freaked him out, and during 4th of July week, he could be found taking refuge in the shower stall.  Only place he would feel safe.  Jasper hated to watch people talking on the phone  He would howl and make a ruckus until he was put outside in order to carry on a phone conversation (watch out for the runaway dog!). 
He watched three youngsters growing up, and always made sure they and the rest of the house was safe.
Now, Jasper struggles to get up off the floor to go outside a couple of times a day.  Struggle or not, he still takes care of business outside.  Watching him during our visit was a time to watch and ponder life cycle.  We probably won't see him again, as our trips back east are at best annual.
Graduation brought family together from up and down the east coast.  Many hadn't seen each other for a year or more.  Everyone had a fantastic time.  Jasper was so caught up in the festivities that he was up and around with everyone for hours on end.  It really lit a fire under him.  The following days he was exhausted, but I could tell that he had been as happy as we were to see and be part of the festivities.
I heard a song the other day.  Don't know who the artist is, so I hope they will forgive any copyright infringement.  A few word caught my ear. --  "so many shadows dancing under our feet".  Ain't it so.  Our shadows in life are real, but only to our eyes.  Watching Jasper last month made me look at the Alpha and the Omega.  Watch the shadows, cherish them, and accept them for what they are.
(You decide in your own mind what this might mean).  Blessings to all.  Blessings to Jasper

HAPPY EASTER

HE IS RISEN, HE IS RISEN INDEED !!!!

What an awesome blessing to wake up this morning!  There will always be someone richer than me, and someone poorer than me.  All I know is that I am as rich as God wants me to be, and I am good with that.

Last night was so overwhelmingly amazing.  I have been involved with RCIA (Rites of Christian Initiation) for several years.  As such, I have witnessed and participated with many people seeking a deeper connection with God.  During this time, I have grown and learned more, not only about my faith and self, but also much from those in the classroom.  Easter celebration is always an experience to be in awe of.  I always come away from Easter Vigil inspired and blessed.

We only had five participants in the RCIA process this year.  As such, we got to know each other maybe a little better than in previous years.  Watching our seekers receive the sacraments for the first time, and watching them experience spiritual joy was, and is an experience that is hard to describe.

As I said, I have learned as much from them as they from the classroom.  Knowing that I can never know enough is motivation in itself.  Hearing heartfelt insights of newcomers and peers can be eye openers for me.  We can never truly know what is in the hearts of any individual, but to hear what is in their hearts is to experience their experience.

Deciding to sit down and write my thoughts today, I had so many things I wanted to relate, but now I know that I can re live last night, today and every day, and that's good enough.  (2 Corinthians 12:9  My Grace is good enough for you).

I pray today for everyone reading this, and for all of God's people.  Turns out, we are all God's people. Blessings to everyone, and thank you Lord for your selflessness.  

ALLELUIA  

UGH! Daylight saving time

Is this me😆? Or this😟?, or this😎? ←
Disruptions in life can be challenging.  I came upon the following saying some time ago: 'is this the hill you want to die on?'.  I don't have to look far to realize that little things like time change, while it may be a disruption or challenge, it's pretty small in the big picture.
We got word a couple of days ago about a long time friend that passed away suddenly.  Apparently very healthy till the end, very unexpected.
Approaching the third trimester of my life gives me perspective of what is important.  (I added the third emoji above ↑ after thinking about this).  Hey, I'M BREATHING, I have full use of my hands and feet, and I'm able to play golf!
Challenges now center more around how I will use the rest of my time.  Taking care of myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually are the important things.  While I still find criticism difficult to listen to, I try to look for the value that the criticism might hold for me to consider.  Self criticism, or discernment is also important to me.  As I start my day, I hope to seek tolerance and guidance  in all that I do.  Dear yellow bus driver, guide me well.  Thank you

Hang on, we're going for a ride!

When I'm told by someone that they have tweens or early teens, I tell them "Hold on, you're going for a ride!"

Turns out, that life is like that almost at any age.  Even as a "ripening" adult, I see the roller coaster of life.  It is all around us.  Look at the stock market in the last week or so.  Panic? Brace? Hold on and ride it out?

So much is out of our hands.  One of the hardest lessons to learn.  I'm learning, but not a scholar of patience.  Facing challenges I've found is best handled by turning it over to God, (my Yellow Bus Driver).

Recently family members were faced with potentially serious challenges.  Much worry as a parent, (even though they are all fully adult, I can't quit being a concerned parent).  In addition, I have had to evaluate my commitments to ministries that are near and dear to me.  Recently I've felt my Yellow Bus Driver pulling up to a couple of stops on the route.  Sometimes it is really hard to get back on the bus and trust the Driver to be my tour guide.   When I love something, but realize that I need to prioritize my service in order to do best at whatever I am guided to, I feel torn.

Thankfully, due to prayer and guidance from trusted friends, the prayers for the well being of my children, and the answers to ministry commitment have come to fruit.  My family concerns turned out well, by the Grace of God.  My direction, and directive (by virtue of guidance of my Yellow Bus Driver) has become clear.  Don't know where the next Bus stop will be, but I know that it can only be a good place.

A shelter guest view

Staff: “Good morning Jane. Time to get up. Get a cup of coffee and a donut. We'll see you in a few hours.”
Jane; “Ugh! It's cold outside. like 25 degrees. Can't I stay just a little longer?”
Staff: “Sorry Jane, we need to get the shelter cleaned up for services later, and for tonight.”
Jane: “I don't feel well. Can't I stay inside?”
Staff: “The clinic will be open in a while. Maybe you can get a voucher to stay inside. Till then, you need to leave.”
Jane: “Hey, I just found a few dollars in my pocket. Maybe I'll go to McDonald's for some coffee to stay warm. It's about a 2 mile walk. Ugh! I know, I'll get a day bus pass and ride around all day until time for the shelter to open again. Beats getting arrested for loitering.”

Me. I have never been homeless, and I am grateful for the warm home I have. I have witnessed the challenges people face when they have nowhere to go. When I go out to get my paper, sometimes I feel the shock of cold air and if feels good. Only thing is, I’m back inside my home within seconds, and no one is asking me to go back outside. I grab my hot coffee and sit and read the paper. I also use this time to pray, often remembering my friends at the shelter. When I start to lament any discomfort in my life, I fall back on remembering what I do have instead of what I don’t have. Praise God.

Winter is coming

A new day. I woke up to a dusting of snow on the street. Quiet time of year. Time to slow down (especially when driving, LOL). A friend (you know who you are ;-))sent me a meditation yesterday, and I didn't open it till this morning. I am finding that I'm not in such a hurry to open every email and text immediately. "I have a flat tire and need help now" type of email I will look at right now, but other stuff, not so much. Not that they aren't important, but I think I've reacted to NOW stuff for so long, that I'm trying to take care of what needs immediate attention, and savor the other stuff more. Turns out that after thinking about things, there is more "other stuff" that is just as important as "emergency", but also important to pay attention to. I've been enjoying the "Indian summer" weather lately, and playing plenty of golf. Sort of not looking forward to cold and snow, until I saw it this morning. A reminder to self. Snow, cold, and winter are "other stuff" that needs accepting and enjoying for it's own merits. Thankfully, I CAN enjoy. When I go by the homeless shelter, I realize that my perspective is different than the clients at the shelter. I can enjoy nature as God gives. Not everyone can and does. Then again, how do I know what is going on in their minds. For now, I will do what I can to help those who need, and praise God for his blessings every day. As we go into the holy season, and new year, I pray that everyone is safe and healthy. As Father Earl says "Peace to the whole place)